What wild xtasy Being in love

The experience of xtasy romantic love, the relation, mood swings, sleeplessness, and obsession; cuts across time, geography, and gender. Until now, our understanding of love has largely been shaped by the wisdom of poets, the anecdotes of the lovestruck, the observations of psychologists, and the musings of brokenhearted musicians.

How many men and women have loved each other in all the seasons that preceded you and me? How many of their dreams have been fulfilled; how many of their passions wasted? Often as we walk or sit and contemplate, we wonder at all the heartrending wild love affairs this planet has absorbed. Fortunately, men and women around the world have left us a great deal of evidence of their xtasy romantic lives.

Vedic and other Indian texts, the earliest dating between 1000 and 700 B.C., tell of Shiva, the mythic Lord of the Universe, who was infatuated with Sati, a young Indian girl. The god mused that "he saw Sati and himself on a mountain pinnacle/enlaced in love."

For some, happiness would never come. Such was Qays, the son of a tribal chieftain in ancient Arabia. An Arabic legend, dating to the seventh century A.D., has it that Qays was a beautiful, brilliant boy, until he met Layla, meaning "night" for her jet black hair. So intoxicated was Qays that one day he sprang from his school chair to race through the streets shouting out her name. Henceforth he was known as Majnun, or madman. Soon Majnun began to drift with the desert sand, living in caves with the animals, singing verses to his beloved, while Layla, cloistered in her father's tent, slipped out at night to toss love notes to the wind. Sympathetic passersby would bring these appeals to the wild-haired, almost-naked poet boy. Their mutual passion would eventually lead to war between their tribes and death to the lovers. Only this legend remains.

Wild Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. They can also - more commonly - be damaging, destructive, cruel, painful, time wasting and demeaning.

But what is an affair? Well, what it's not a drunken fumble at the firm's Christmas party. It isn't a one-night stand either. Neither is it a romance between two people who are both free of other entanglements.

A wild affair is a sexual relationship that lasts more than one night where at least one of the lovers is publicly committed to someone else.

And, sadly, wild affairs inevitably hurt someone and frequently they hurt all the parties involved including children, if there are any. Some affairs of course end happily for the couple - let's face it, plenty of good second marriages began as illicit romances - but the vast majority of extra-marital liaisons don't end in a new marriage or relationship. In fact I estimate that at least 80 per cent end up unhappily and cause misery all round. So starting an affair is not a brilliant step to take - and yet people do it all the time.

It's quite common for folk caught up in affairs to ask agony aunts like me whether wild affairs can 'help a marriage'. They also ask if affairs can be 'harmless,' or 'just a bit of fun'.

And often, especially at Christmas time, a single person who is romantically involved with a married one will ask if I think that his or her lover will ever leave home. Frequently in such situations single people feel quite desperate that yet another year has gone by in which they've had to live a lie and in which they've had to spend another birthday or Christmas or New Year alone. People also ask for advice about whether or not to leave a hopeless marriage and start again with someone they love. And worried spouses frequently ask agony aunts how to tell if a partner is being unfaithful.